I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
