I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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