Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
