the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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