so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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