take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
