Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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