Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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