so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
