How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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