Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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