i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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