You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
