Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
