her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
