Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
