fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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