I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
