I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
