i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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