You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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