She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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