you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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