i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
