Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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