Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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