I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
