I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
