he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
