Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
