i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
