I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
