Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
