"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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