What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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