what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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