saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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