Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
