If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
