that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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