I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am naked and annoyed.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
