Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
