I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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