i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
