i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
