I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
