Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
