WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
