mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
