i think my tv is drunk
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
